Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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