Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
