Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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