he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
