does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
