Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
