he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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