like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
