You're so nebulous sometimes
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
