I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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