P.S. I can't hear my feet
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my being single is dangerous.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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