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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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