The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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