hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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