so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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