People in love make me want to vomit
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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