My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
