I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
