just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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