I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
