I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize