Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Drunk is a universal language darling
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
