Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
