gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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