Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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