my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
they're like a gay fantastic four
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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