Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
