I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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