I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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