I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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