just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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