forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize