is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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