so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
