There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize