Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
