The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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