you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
