Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
