I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
