Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize