Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
