I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
