Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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