look no pants
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize