Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
