what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
