singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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