I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
