just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize