My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
