only if we run a train.
done.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
