i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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