is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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