dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
