he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
