She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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