I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
