Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Even the bartender felt bad for me
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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