Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
