why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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