my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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