Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
