Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize