I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
