She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize