Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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