I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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