Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
