So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
