Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
This couple is walking their pig around campus
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
