This girl is more easily done than said...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
