btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
