would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
