i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
