It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
