I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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