literally had 100 drinks last night.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
