In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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