WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
