Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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