I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
