I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
