I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
