How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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