get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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