So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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