I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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