i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
