How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
