she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
