Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
