My entire life is one complicated drinking game
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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